Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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