Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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