If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize