I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
