addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
