Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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