I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
