I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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