The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
