someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
