She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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