I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I need a beard to bite.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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