Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
