Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
