new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
