Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
