I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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