I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
