Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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