i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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