Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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