this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
