I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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