I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
