Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
