ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
