I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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