what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
