come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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