i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
