Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I love you. Go after that dick
I smell like Dick and happiness
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