you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
