I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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