kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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