btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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