I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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