I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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