He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
