is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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