I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
