Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
