so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
