please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
