I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
