I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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