seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
