last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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