I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
