I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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