found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
nutella sex= disaster
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
