we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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