Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
