i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
