i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
