Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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