i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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