whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
