What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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