I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
