I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
