I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize