Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
