i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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