this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
