my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Couch. On fire.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
