I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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