I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
