You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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