this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
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You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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