Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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