why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
