Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Drake has all the answers
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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