I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
