2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
