My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
