Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
