I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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