guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
