booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
