No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
